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"You can't see it therefore it must exist"
Came up with this little number in math today
ILifeI= IDeathI
Translation -> Absolute life = Absolute death
Kinda how I'm feeling right now. Know how I stated I bombed a chem test? Well I did even worse that I thought I did. Thought I'd at least get a 60 somthing. Fuck I'm really losing it. I can't even figure out why. What's so different now than last year? Sure, I'm turned mindless and braindead from the yearbook, I don't have time to study and I rarely do my homework on my own....but the only thing that's new is the yearbook. It's all the same as before. If there weren't a yearbook then I would just be wasting more time doing nothing. At least I get something accomplished this way.
God, this year seems to be an endless dissapointment.
A whole fucking $2,000 from the University I really wanted to go to, oooh, aaah, not even renewable. FUCK!
And then the runner up gives me the money. Yay. that's where I'm going I guess, can't afford anything else. Then I gave the Scholarship letter to the guidance counsilor ( as we're supposed to) and she put my name and the amount of money on a piece of paper, as she does for everyone, and I was walking thru the hallway later. And I saw it. And my name was spelt wrong. That little piece of glory, all that I had going for me. And they screwed it over. I hate this place, and I hate the people ( except for my select group of friends) and I wish I wasn't here. Crappy place with nothing to do. A place to break the dreams and aspirations of little girls as they're sucked into the living death of The Real World that they've been toaught to fear but never believed truly existed. Shattered dreams of love, broken hopes of greatness, crushed potential for accomplishing amazing things. And now I'm forced to realise that everything I've worked towards all my years was a wasted effort. I'll end up a grocer and never accomplish anything. I'm smart, but not smart enough. I'm ok looking, but not good enough. I'm strong, but not awsomenly so. I can act, but I can't sing.
I'm nothing special. Just another sheep in the crowd, and I'll have to live with that for ever.
And the worst part is that I'll never be loved.
Edit: And if it just doesn't take the cake, I just found out that Jenny and Ben broke up. I am so upset right now. They had a good thing going for them....love is such a treachory.
posted by
that girl at 6:23:00 p.m.
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