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Tuesday, May 20, 2003 |
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"Everything gets better as it gets older except for bananas
So, under the strict instructions of Jeff, I am posting a happy blog so that it is realised that I'm really not all doom and gloom and life hating. I do have my good days. Like, for example, yesterday and today. Yesterday I spent 4hours playing half-life with dad. Ah, familly bonding (aka blowing father in half with explosive crossbow ammunition. good times good times.) Dad is addicted to the game to, and I understand why. Later Jeff, and Heather came over and we started working on our Macbeth satire project. It should turn out alright. We started filming it today, we only got one half scene done tho, and Jeff swallowed a fly. I don't like insects. Um, that is all, it was really fun . Hanging out wuth them is nice cuz non of us hate eachother ( so far as I know....) so it's nice and not uncomfortable like you know? There was make-up Judo practice today that I didn't know about. I found out about it when I got to Heathers, and poor Nathan was the only person there for it. I wish I could have gone, but projects are projects and they have to be done.
Anyhoo, Kaeli wants the computer and I figure she'll start punching me soon if I don't give it to her, so so long. Adieu.
posted by
that girl at 7:44:00 p.m.
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Monday, May 19, 2003 |
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"She's a nice girl but not much upstairs"
I beg to differ, and I'd like to clear something up. I s'pose one might get the impression that my skull is filled with JELLO or that I'm 3 eggs short of a picnic basket, but I beg to differ. It hurts me to think that people don't really know me very well, at all. Can't they see the pain behind that dorky blank expression of confusion? The sorrow deep within the flowing darkness that is my patheticly loud laughter? It seems to me that before we judge others, we must first realise our own short comings. To judge this book by its cover would be to dive blind down into a firey hole filled with rabid mutated snails....if you catch my drift. Things are not always as they seem. For those of you who have seen Shrek, I want you to remember that little onion simile and apply it also to me. I have layers too, descending gradully from the tough outer shell, the masculine facade, the goofy I-don't-care-what-I-look-like nature, through to the fragile center, with emotions, and a suprisingly effeminate inner-me. A scared little girl who just wants approval and a feeling of self worth. Recognition would be nice as well. Just because I have a few vocabularic (...) short-comings doesn't mean I have any short-comings of the brain.
I want to know why people just dismiss me as though I have no feelings, as though I were the peel of your banana which, having served its purpose, you throw into the street to inconvenience someone else. Have some heart alright? Someday I'm just going to go all homicidal from all the insults, put-downs and asides that I'm not supposed to find out about. Remember that what goes around comes around.
posted by
that girl at 1:59:00 p.m.
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Friday, May 16, 2003 |
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Yearbook! Done. **Jump for JOY!!!!**
Celebrate
CRY
YAY
oh joy.
on another note, I'm very pissed off with a friend of mine. She doesn't seem to think that I worked on a project we did together. I dunno, but I remember staying up untill midnight with her...oh well!
I can't wait to be away from here, that would be really quite the good.
Yeah.
Well, the variety show was fun, My hair still feels sticky from all the peanut butter, but lets not get into that. It was pretty good this year, um, i don't much to say
posted by
that girl at 8:35:00 p.m.
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Tuesday, May 06, 2003 |
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"It's a damn cold world, and a damn cold life"
I'm BAAaaaack
As in, Hi, I feel like a loser again. Not jjust in the I'm-a-big-geek- way, which I could care less about. No, I'm a loser in the I-lose-at-everything-i-could-ever-possibly-care-about way. I used to be so ambitious, I'd tell myself I was the best at things, and I used to be too. But not anymore. I used to be one of those people that was mad when she only got an 89 on an exam. But then...I was mad if I only got a 79...then 69...now...what happpened. Tish asked me if I ever get jealous of her. Well what could I say other than "Yup, frequently." and what girl wouldn't be jealous? Smart, pretty, everything. I hate the way that I am so constantly comparing myself with others. I mean, I'm me, and there's no way I can get out of that (without serious plastic surgery, which I don't intend to have, at all, ever.) so I should jusst live with it. And it's not even like I'm fat, just disproportionate...in a fat way. Yeah.
anyway, that's all I have to say, I don't really feel like rambling anymore.
goodnight
posted by
that girl at 9:19:00 p.m.
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Sunday, May 04, 2003 |
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"I'm walking now, to find myself in the shadows of all I created"
Well, must say I feel very content for the moment. I spent yesterday night at Kalle's working on our law project (aka watching the 2nd Harry Potter movie twice). While I was there Kalle showed me one of her sister's dresses that she recommended I wear for graduation (since we girls are supposed to wear medium length dresses or skirts (or shorts really) underneath our grad gowns) and suprisingly I really like it. Suprising since its a dress, it shows my legs, it's flowy and girly, and most curious - it's predominantley pink of all colors -try to muffle your gasps. But I really like it and it looks suprisingly flattering on me. Sure I can't stand to look down at myself because my first reaction is "Ugh, I'm PINK!", but then I look in the mirror and I go "Yay, pretty!" Idunno, its interesting. Anyway, I came home around 2:00pm today. Decided I wanted icecream, got dad to buy some and I slowly enjoyed a coke float as I watched the Exorcist (with sun filtering through my window). I was pleased with the movie (having always wanted to see it) so Thankee Raea for lending it to me. After spending that 2 hours in isolation, I decided to waste another few in a luxourious bubble bath and subsequently I finally got around to reading Sybil. Now, 70 pages into said novel I am hooked. I really should have started reading it long ago when I first happened upon it in one of those numerous boxes of old books which frequent my upstaris hallway. So I guess maybe this nice reflective afternoon has lifted me above that hazy funk I've been in these last couple weeks. It wont last since I must return to school tomorrow, but it's nice to feel calm and tranquil. No worries or thoughts of inadequacies and pain. To just sit infront of my computer listening to mildly dejected music , munching on carrot sticks, and posting this wonderful post. I may even update my page, get that sorrowfully neglected campage together. Nah, that probably wont happen, but at least I'm feeling ambitious right? Maybe I'll work on linking some websites or something. Yeah, that's what I'll do. So, until next time guys. Wow I feel good (must be the vanilla scented bubbles.....mmmmm, vanilla). Later.
posted by
that girl at 7:50:00 p.m.
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Friday, May 02, 2003 |
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Fools to the left of me, jokers to the right, and I'm stuck here in the middle"
Wow! What a DAY!
(and I don't mean that in a good way).
Gah. Well, i guess I must state that I am now the sole individual who shall reap the rewards of yearbook editor. My poor dear Raea was unjustly fired due to unreasonable circumstances. I don't expect it to last too long tho considering how blood will fly, and teeth will fall before she gives up her place (power to ya!). I did pretty crappy on a math test. I studied hard, really did. thought I was gonna do so well...though I'd at least get an 80%...yikes. He hasn't even marked the short answer questions (which I usually lose the majority of my points on) and I'm allready down to a 76% or there abouts. I am not liking this muchly.
I also feel as though I'm finally admitting defeat. After all these years, I realise I'm not anything important. God, I had this convo already. I'm stopping now...onto something else.
I spent 2 hours alone behind the counter in a dark cafeteria selling snacks to badminton players in need. Drug my sick as a dog sister with me ( in exchange for licorice) so I had some company at least. Gotta do it again tomorrow. Ick. Ah well, what can ya do? I guess that's it for today. I guess I'll go to sleep now or something.
posted by
that girl at 9:42:00 p.m.
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