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"Damn life"
"Bacon is like chocolate to kittens"
"If people ate bugs we'd probably be more like cats and clean ourselves")
I hate today.
A lot.
I had to get up early this morning (yay) to go to the dentist (woohoo) so i'd make it to work on time (yeehaw) so i wouldn't miss the cadet tour (yipee). So yeah, I went to the dentist with the expectation of being told i had a cavity and left with the knowledge that i have 2 because of a rogue baby tooth (i still have 4 because some gentetic malfunction prevented the formation of their adult replacement teeth) which is twisting around and grinding its neighbours thus wearing down the enamel. So now my dentist has decided that this trouble-maker of a tooth has to come out. Now this would not be a problem if i had a tooth to replace it, however i don't. So i have the choice of having the tooth out and leaving a big gaping hole in my smile, or, ugh, braces. I of course will choose braces (not that my family is even anywhere near close to being able to afford them since my sister just finished with 'em and we're super poor). I only have to get them in the bottom half, and they'll fix problems and stuff...wil probably only need them for a few months...so why does the thought make me want to cry? has it something to do with the fact that I have very little self-confidence as it is and even though i know a ton of well liked pretty people who continue on in life with braces, i can only assume that this new horrible addition to a face already acne-cursed, can only result in further uglidom. So, whether this be true or not i shall automatically assume it too be true and will thus have the self-confidence of a sewer rat the entire first semester (thus once again makeing zero (0) friends and meeting zero (0) guys. Nice) and just hide in my room. So yeah, this is my problem. After a hidiuosly anti-social year i have only just regained needed self-confidence when i was back for the immersion de printemps and now all that hard work is wasted. Sigh. I feel bulemia coming on. I often thoguht to myself that if only the acne would go away...but now i have this to think about too...I'll probably cry every night...no so much because of the depression but because i sleep with my face smushed into the pillow, i can't get comfortable in any other position...but i won't be able to sleep that way because of wires digging into my gums...so after the trying to sleep for hours, around 3AM i'll probably just break down and cry from the frustration of it all. God i'm not looking forward to next year anymore.
i'm sorry about this rant. No one likes to read about other peoples self-issues. But i write what i feel and this is all i've got. :'(
posted by
that girl at 9:33:00 p.m.
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